Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
