I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
