Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
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