u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
