I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
