I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
