everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
