im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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