The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
