I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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