I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
