I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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