Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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