i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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