i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
