Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
