is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize