so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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