So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
