I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
