You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
