I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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