In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
