she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
