We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Quick, to the slutcave!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
