look no pants
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
