she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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