what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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