we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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