Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
