dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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