New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
