Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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