I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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