u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
