I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Dick very happy bro
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
