i don't plan on having that self control this summer
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
operation harelip BJ is a go
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
