my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
