need another drink. this is the easiest way
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
