you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
