Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
