meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
