Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
