You made me cry and you don't even care
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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