It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
