I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
