You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
