So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Randomize
