We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
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and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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