return my video game
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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