??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
