A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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