I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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