He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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