Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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