i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
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Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
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The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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