you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
