I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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