Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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