You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
