Please don't use social media to get back at me.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
