and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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