I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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