i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
