Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
