$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She even gives head with a lisp.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
