i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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