genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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